Hey guys I have had some Christmas blessings just recently and now my brother Edward could use some.
He has created a go fund me page to raise money for car repairs that he desperately needs. Until he gets the repairs he is not able to drive his car which leaves him in a very bad spot. He needs this car fixed so that he can get to and from work. And he also drives his little girl in his car.
So even if it’s just $5 (or less, whatever you can afford to spare) maybe we all can work together to get him the help he needs.
He has never asked me for help before, so I want to help him as much as I can. And one way I can do that is by sharing his go fund me page.
So if you can’t donate can you please share this post with the rest of the family/friends.
HERE IS HIS CAMPAIGN LINK: gf.me/u/n7v9p8
Saturday, December 8, 2018
Tuesday, October 23, 2018
I think I suffer from Depression and Mood Swings
I believe I am suffering from depression. I also think I could be suffering from possible mood swings.
I have not been able to work now for 5 years due to back issues. I have no friends where I live, no church friends, no work friends (due to not being able to work), and I do not have kids (which I am mad at God over) so I don’t have other mothers to hang out with. Sure I have associates at church and in Pokémon Go but no true friends. I consider true friends people you can call in time of need (and they can call you), people who hang out and go to lunch or do other activities with you, or just chill at each others houses. I know my back issues prevent me from doing and going to a lot of things/places, but shouldn’t I still be able to have/make friends.
I have a husband and we own our house (actually it’s his house and there is a prenup saying it, the house is the ONLY thing on the prenup, but it still upsets me because I put him on my bank account in good faith even before we were married: after all two shall become one, but what did I get, a prenup; even though I would NEVER take his grandfathers house away from him, kids or no kids). My mother lives with us only because she has health issues and I would not leave her behind when we got married because she didn’t have a roommate to stay with, so my husband begged her to come with us to Homestead so that I would go with him. She would rather have her own place, but its too expensive here in Florida, and she knows I still need the help. She does the chores around the house because my back won’t let me do them, and I really appreciate that. But sometimes I wish it was just Kevin and I living here, like a normal married couple. I won’t kick my mom to the curb, and I do need the help with the household chores. My in-laws live right next door to us, which is great and bad at the same time. More great than bad, I should say. They drive me to the appointments I can’t drive myself to and they help us out elsewhere when needed. They try not to interfere in our lives to much, and we should really visit them more because for living right next door we hardly see each other. They have gotten a lot of my outrage (especially my mother in law), some of it I feel is warranted but other times I think it’s wrong of me to get mad at them (i see it afterwords), they just want to help us (me) and they care about us and want the best for us. Other than my husband, my mother, and my in-laws we have no other family in the state. My husband and I have been married for 5 years now and still have not been able to take a honeymoon (and I don’t think it will ever happen now, just like how I think God doesn’t want us to have kids).
I am driving my husband crazy. I know he needs to work, and other guys at his job work a lot more OT than he does and they pick on him because he tells them that I complain when he does take OT. The “joke” is that he has to call me for approval to work OT. I only get upset about the OT because the ONLY thing I have to look forward to is the time him and I have together, and when I plan a special dinner or evening he normally takes the offer of OT or is forced OT. I know military and other service wives don’t see their husbands (significant others) for months on end (but I bet a lot of them have kids or friends to hang with). So why can’t I get over not seeing Kevin for a night or two. I HATE looking so forward to spending time with him; like I have no life without him. I read books, color, do crafts, play video games, watch tv/movies, and I do those without him, so why do I HAVE to have “our time/night” and when it doesn’t happen I literally break down in tears. If I had kids, friends to hang out with, or a job/career, then I would have something else to look forward to, but I don’t, and I HATE how that makes me want time with Kevin. He NEVER wonders where I am if he gets home and I am not there, he NEVER texts me to see how long I will be. He has coworkers and other people from the game of thrones game he plays that he talks to and video chats with. Whereas I have no one.
Kevin says that I haven’t been his happy Jenny in a LONG time (for almost 6 years now, since the first car accident). I can be happy one second and the next any little thing will go wrong and ruin the rest of my day, causing me to be ticked off, which usually causes Kevin and I to argue. My anger/temper is out of control when things go wrong/not as I planned, and the more it happens the more I get ticked off. I am a pessimist. I have had no luck in life (except for when God gave me Kevin, and that wasn’t luck that was all God). I have been molested, raped, and have been in accidents that caused my back and neck issues, I am morbidly obese, and I have no kids. More negative thing happen to me than good. Take today for example I went to the store for stuff for homemade pizza for dinner tomorrow, and bread crumbs for chicken Parmesan for tonight and I did the Pokémon so Kevin and I would have more time together tonight (Everything I did, I did thinking about him). But that’s not how the night went at all, basically we at dinner and tied to watch a show which never happened because things just kept interrupting us. And then we actually went to lay down on the bed to chill, he gets a call from work and CHOOSES to go in for OT (even though he already did a 13 hour day!!), now he’s there for at least 4 more hours. I see this situation as ME CHOOSING HIM and HIM CHOOSING WORK/MONEY. And I am the one always in the wrong for being mad and feeling hurt. He is never in the wrong because he’s trying to earn money, and pay our bills and allow me to have nice things. He feels as though he can do no right. I don't mean to make him feel that way, but that's how I am seeing things as they happen. Like I said before I am a pessimist.
I have said all of that because I think all of that plays into my depression. I don’t get to cook holiday meals or birthday cakes, I don’t have kids (which is what I wanted my entire life), I can’t do all the cleaning in my house, I have NO friends, I can’t work, our marriage is not typical at all (and love making rarely happens because I either my back hurts to much or other things prevent it from happening), and I feel God doesn’t like me at times, I am jealous of what others have that I can’t have or don’t have, I was denied the gastric surgery and have to start the whole process over because the doctors office was incompetent and sat on my paperwork for 5 months, I have anxiety in the car still due to what the accidents have done to me. I could go on and on, but I won’t I think you heard enough.
I have not seen a psychiatrist or psychologist, and won’t as long as Kevin is the only one working, we can’t afford any more bills. If my disability case is approved then maybe I can get some help, but not until then. I have asked God to help me with my attitude and emotions and it only seems to get worse.
I ask for your prayers, please. If you leave a comment be truthful in the nicest way possible please.
I have not been able to work now for 5 years due to back issues. I have no friends where I live, no church friends, no work friends (due to not being able to work), and I do not have kids (which I am mad at God over) so I don’t have other mothers to hang out with. Sure I have associates at church and in Pokémon Go but no true friends. I consider true friends people you can call in time of need (and they can call you), people who hang out and go to lunch or do other activities with you, or just chill at each others houses. I know my back issues prevent me from doing and going to a lot of things/places, but shouldn’t I still be able to have/make friends.
I have a husband and we own our house (actually it’s his house and there is a prenup saying it, the house is the ONLY thing on the prenup, but it still upsets me because I put him on my bank account in good faith even before we were married: after all two shall become one, but what did I get, a prenup; even though I would NEVER take his grandfathers house away from him, kids or no kids). My mother lives with us only because she has health issues and I would not leave her behind when we got married because she didn’t have a roommate to stay with, so my husband begged her to come with us to Homestead so that I would go with him. She would rather have her own place, but its too expensive here in Florida, and she knows I still need the help. She does the chores around the house because my back won’t let me do them, and I really appreciate that. But sometimes I wish it was just Kevin and I living here, like a normal married couple. I won’t kick my mom to the curb, and I do need the help with the household chores. My in-laws live right next door to us, which is great and bad at the same time. More great than bad, I should say. They drive me to the appointments I can’t drive myself to and they help us out elsewhere when needed. They try not to interfere in our lives to much, and we should really visit them more because for living right next door we hardly see each other. They have gotten a lot of my outrage (especially my mother in law), some of it I feel is warranted but other times I think it’s wrong of me to get mad at them (i see it afterwords), they just want to help us (me) and they care about us and want the best for us. Other than my husband, my mother, and my in-laws we have no other family in the state. My husband and I have been married for 5 years now and still have not been able to take a honeymoon (and I don’t think it will ever happen now, just like how I think God doesn’t want us to have kids).
I am driving my husband crazy. I know he needs to work, and other guys at his job work a lot more OT than he does and they pick on him because he tells them that I complain when he does take OT. The “joke” is that he has to call me for approval to work OT. I only get upset about the OT because the ONLY thing I have to look forward to is the time him and I have together, and when I plan a special dinner or evening he normally takes the offer of OT or is forced OT. I know military and other service wives don’t see their husbands (significant others) for months on end (but I bet a lot of them have kids or friends to hang with). So why can’t I get over not seeing Kevin for a night or two. I HATE looking so forward to spending time with him; like I have no life without him. I read books, color, do crafts, play video games, watch tv/movies, and I do those without him, so why do I HAVE to have “our time/night” and when it doesn’t happen I literally break down in tears. If I had kids, friends to hang out with, or a job/career, then I would have something else to look forward to, but I don’t, and I HATE how that makes me want time with Kevin. He NEVER wonders where I am if he gets home and I am not there, he NEVER texts me to see how long I will be. He has coworkers and other people from the game of thrones game he plays that he talks to and video chats with. Whereas I have no one.
Kevin says that I haven’t been his happy Jenny in a LONG time (for almost 6 years now, since the first car accident). I can be happy one second and the next any little thing will go wrong and ruin the rest of my day, causing me to be ticked off, which usually causes Kevin and I to argue. My anger/temper is out of control when things go wrong/not as I planned, and the more it happens the more I get ticked off. I am a pessimist. I have had no luck in life (except for when God gave me Kevin, and that wasn’t luck that was all God). I have been molested, raped, and have been in accidents that caused my back and neck issues, I am morbidly obese, and I have no kids. More negative thing happen to me than good. Take today for example I went to the store for stuff for homemade pizza for dinner tomorrow, and bread crumbs for chicken Parmesan for tonight and I did the Pokémon so Kevin and I would have more time together tonight (Everything I did, I did thinking about him). But that’s not how the night went at all, basically we at dinner and tied to watch a show which never happened because things just kept interrupting us. And then we actually went to lay down on the bed to chill, he gets a call from work and CHOOSES to go in for OT (even though he already did a 13 hour day!!), now he’s there for at least 4 more hours. I see this situation as ME CHOOSING HIM and HIM CHOOSING WORK/MONEY. And I am the one always in the wrong for being mad and feeling hurt. He is never in the wrong because he’s trying to earn money, and pay our bills and allow me to have nice things. He feels as though he can do no right. I don't mean to make him feel that way, but that's how I am seeing things as they happen. Like I said before I am a pessimist.
I have said all of that because I think all of that plays into my depression. I don’t get to cook holiday meals or birthday cakes, I don’t have kids (which is what I wanted my entire life), I can’t do all the cleaning in my house, I have NO friends, I can’t work, our marriage is not typical at all (and love making rarely happens because I either my back hurts to much or other things prevent it from happening), and I feel God doesn’t like me at times, I am jealous of what others have that I can’t have or don’t have, I was denied the gastric surgery and have to start the whole process over because the doctors office was incompetent and sat on my paperwork for 5 months, I have anxiety in the car still due to what the accidents have done to me. I could go on and on, but I won’t I think you heard enough.
I have not seen a psychiatrist or psychologist, and won’t as long as Kevin is the only one working, we can’t afford any more bills. If my disability case is approved then maybe I can get some help, but not until then. I have asked God to help me with my attitude and emotions and it only seems to get worse.
I ask for your prayers, please. If you leave a comment be truthful in the nicest way possible please.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)