I have been wanting kids forever!! I didn't get married until 33 years old. I am a christian woman, so I believe everything happens in Gods time and way. But I am starting to believe that God does not want me to have children because of all the obstacles he puts in my way.
Let me give a little background info. I am a 36 year old woman who is morbidly obese, I was born fat and food is my comfort/friend/downfall. I also have back issues now due to 2 car accidents and am currently waiting for a back fusion. I was doing good losing weight(actually lost 50lbs!) until the first car accident which caused me to have to have a major surgery on my neck, we decided to hold off on the back until I was older. 16 months later I was just starting to improve from the surgery, but then I was rear-ended again (I was completely stopped at a red light but the lady behind me never stopped--same exact thing happened in the 1st accident), this was 4 days before my wedding!! I was thinking God cause the doctor told me to take extra pain medicine so I could still walk down the isle (Good thing I had it recorded, cause I cant remember it!! LOL) My back was worse and we tried holding off on surgery as long as possible, but it got to the point that I could not stand for 10 minutes without hurting and I had to use a wheelchair anytime I went out of the house. So I ended up getting a Laminectomy (we didn't want the fusion because I am still young). A year after my laminectomy and I was improving, I had part of my life back!! I was able to do edging, trim the bushes(couldn't bend to pick them up but I could use the clippers to cut them) and I was walking again (I even did my first 5K walk!!). But then in October I fell over a cardboard box that I had for my cat in my bedroom. I went all the way to the floor. I tried to ignore the pain and just thought it would go away, but I kept getting worse as time went on. Since then I have been on pain meds, done PT (which didn't help), and have had another epidural shot(which made me worse). The pain specialist said that I didn't need major surgery, so I asked him about the Laser Spine Institute, and he said to go cause they might be able to help me. But, before I got to go, I had sprained my back (just by taking a normal step) and ended up in the hospital. While in the hospital they did another MRI without contrast and concluded that my only issue was that I was FAT and needed to lose weight. After fighting with the doctor he finally looked at the MRI they did a month ago and saw that I did indeed have a herniated disc, but he still concluded that my only issue was being fat and losing weight would correct everything!! Since then the pain specialist has taken that stand as well. I finally did end up going to Tampa for the spine center and their MRI showed that I have 2 herniated discs and need to have a fusion. But now the insurance company is denying it due to not getting the proper paperwork showing that I have done PT and other prior treatments before surgery. So I am currently waiting for them to set up a peer to peer phone call to hopefully overturn that. In the meantime I had to go back to the pain specialist for more pain meds and he still stands on the idea that I just need to lose weight and that will correct everything. I am waiting to receive the MRI reports from the spine center so I can take them to the pain doctor.
How are you suppose to lose over 150lbs without being able to exercise? I am in a catch 22 here. I know it's my fault that I let myself get this big but I am tying to loose wight now and have all these issues that keep coming up. I did have a miscarriage back in Jan 2014, I believe it was due to the anesthesia for one of my back procedures(at the time i thought it was God telling me it wasn't time to have a child yet, but showed that I could). With all these other issues arising thought I truly believe He might not want me to have children. I know everything is done in His time and way. All I can do is continue to pray and do the best that I can to get myself better.
