Go fund me page my little brother created

Hey guys I have had some Christmas blessings just recently and now my brother Edward could use some.

He has created a go fund me page to raise money for car repairs that he desperately needs. Until he gets the repairs he is not able to drive his car which leaves him in a very bad spot. He needs this car fixed so that he can get to and from work. And he also drives his little girl in his car.

So even if it’s just $5 (or less, whatever you can afford to spare) maybe we all can work together to get him the help he needs.

He has never asked me for help before, so I want to help him as much as I can. And one way I can do that is by sharing his go fund me page.

So if you can’t donate can you please share this post with the rest of the family/friends.

HERE IS HIS CAMPAIGN LINK: gf.me/u/n7v9p8

I think I suffer from Depression and Mood Swings

    I believe I am suffering from depression. I also think I could be suffering from possible mood swings.
    I have not been able to work now for 5 years due to back issues.  I have no friends where I live, no church friends, no work friends (due to not being able to work), and I do not have kids (which I am mad at God over) so I don’t have other mothers to hang out with. Sure I have associates at church and in Pokémon Go but no true friends.  I consider true friends people you can call in time of need (and they can call you), people who hang out and go to lunch or do other activities with you, or just chill at each others houses. I know my back issues prevent me from doing and going to a lot of things/places, but shouldn’t I still be able to have/make friends.
    I have a husband and we own our house (actually it’s his house and there is a prenup saying it, the house is the ONLY thing on the prenup, but it still upsets me because I put him on my bank account in good faith even before we were married: after all two shall become one, but what did I get, a prenup; even though I would NEVER take his grandfathers house away from him, kids or no kids). My mother lives with us only because she has health issues and I would not leave her behind when we got married because she didn’t have a roommate to stay with, so my husband begged her to come with us to Homestead so that I would go with him. She would rather have her own place, but its too expensive here in Florida, and she knows I still need the help. She does the chores around the house because my back won’t let me do them, and I really appreciate that. But sometimes I wish it was just Kevin and I living here, like a normal married couple. I won’t kick my mom to the curb, and I do need the help with the household chores. My in-laws live right next door to us, which is great and bad at the same time. More great than bad, I should say. They drive me to the appointments I can’t drive myself to and they help us out elsewhere when needed. They try not to interfere in our lives to much, and we should really visit them more because for living right next door we hardly see each other. They have gotten a lot of my outrage (especially  my mother in law), some of it I feel is warranted but other times I think it’s wrong of me to get mad at them (i see it afterwords), they just want to help us (me) and they care about us and want the best for us. Other than my husband, my mother, and my in-laws we have no other family in the state. My husband and I have been married for 5 years now and still have not been able to take a honeymoon (and I don’t think it will ever happen now, just like how I think God doesn’t want us to have kids).
    I am driving my husband crazy. I know he needs to work, and other guys at his job work a lot more OT than he does and they pick on him because he tells them that I complain when he does take OT. The “joke” is that he has to call me for approval to work OT. I only get upset about the OT because the ONLY thing I have to look forward to is the time him and I have together, and when I plan a special dinner or evening he normally takes the offer of OT or is forced OT.  I know military and other service wives don’t see their husbands (significant others) for months on end (but I bet a lot of them have kids or friends to hang with). So why can’t I get over not seeing Kevin for a night or two. I HATE looking so forward to spending time with him; like I have no life without him. I read books, color, do crafts, play video games, watch tv/movies, and I do those without him, so why do I HAVE to have “our time/night” and when it doesn’t happen I literally break down in tears. If I had kids, friends to hang out with, or a job/career, then I would have something else to look forward to, but I don’t, and I HATE how that makes me want time with Kevin. He NEVER wonders where I am if he gets home and I am not there, he NEVER texts me to see how long I will be. He has coworkers and other people from the game of thrones game he plays that he talks to and video chats with. Whereas I have no one.
  Kevin says that I haven’t been his happy Jenny in a LONG time (for almost 6 years now, since the first car accident). I can be happy one second and the next any little thing will go wrong and ruin the rest of my day, causing me to be ticked off, which usually causes Kevin and I to argue. My anger/temper is out of control when things go wrong/not as I planned, and the more it happens the more I get ticked off.  I am a pessimist. I have had no luck in life (except for when God gave me Kevin, and that wasn’t luck that was all God). I have been molested, raped, and have been in accidents that caused my back and neck issues, I am morbidly obese, and I have no kids. More negative thing happen to me than good. Take today for example I went to the store for stuff for homemade pizza for dinner tomorrow, and bread crumbs for chicken Parmesan for tonight and I did the Pokémon so Kevin and I would have more time together tonight (Everything I did, I did thinking about him). But that’s not how the night went at all, basically we at dinner and tied to watch a show which never happened because things just kept interrupting us. And then we actually went to lay down on the bed to chill, he gets a call from work and CHOOSES to go in for OT (even though he already did a 13 hour day!!), now he’s there for at least 4 more hours.  I see this situation as ME CHOOSING HIM and HIM CHOOSING WORK/MONEY. And I am the one always in the wrong for being mad and feeling hurt. He is never in the wrong because he’s trying to earn money, and pay our bills and allow me to have nice things. He feels as though he can do no right. I don't mean to make him feel that way, but that's how I am seeing things as they happen. Like I said before I am a pessimist. 
  I have said all of that because I think all of that plays into my depression. I don’t get to cook holiday meals or birthday cakes, I don’t have kids (which is what I wanted my entire life), I can’t do all the cleaning in my house, I have NO friends, I can’t work, our marriage is not typical at all (and love making rarely happens because I either my back hurts to much or other things prevent it from happening), and I feel God doesn’t like me at times, I am jealous of what others have that I can’t have or don’t have, I was denied the gastric surgery and have to start the whole process over because the doctors office was incompetent and sat on my paperwork for 5 months, I have anxiety in the car still due to what the accidents have done to me.  I could go on and on, but I won’t I think you heard enough.
  I have not seen a psychiatrist or psychologist, and won’t as long as Kevin is the only one working, we can’t afford any more bills. If my disability case is approved then maybe I can get some help, but not until then. I have asked God to help me with my attitude and emotions and it only seems to get worse.
  I ask for your prayers, please. If you leave a comment be truthful in the nicest way possible please.

I don't think God wants me to have a child

  I have been wanting kids forever!! I didn't get married until 33 years old. I am a christian woman, so I believe everything happens in Gods time and way. But I am starting to believe that God does not want me to have children because of all the obstacles he puts in my way.
 
  Let me give a little background info.  I am a 36 year old woman who is morbidly obese, I was born fat and food is my comfort/friend/downfall.  I also have back issues now due to 2 car accidents and am currently waiting for a back fusion. I was doing good losing weight(actually lost 50lbs!) until the first car accident which caused me to have to have a major surgery on my neck, we decided to hold off on the back until I was older.   16 months later I was just starting to improve from the surgery, but then I was rear-ended again (I was completely stopped at a red light but the lady behind me never stopped--same exact thing happened in the 1st accident), this was 4 days before my wedding!!   I was thinking God cause the doctor told me to take extra pain medicine so I could still walk down the isle (Good thing I had it recorded, cause I cant remember it!! LOL)  My back was worse and we tried holding off on surgery as long as possible, but it got to the point that I could not stand for 10 minutes without hurting and I had to use a wheelchair anytime I went out of the house.  So I ended up getting a Laminectomy (we didn't want the fusion because I am still young). A year after my laminectomy and I was improving, I had part of my life back!!  I was able to do edging, trim the bushes(couldn't bend to pick them up but I could use the clippers to cut them) and I was walking again (I even did my first 5K walk!!). But then in October I fell over a cardboard box that I had for my cat in my bedroom.  I went all the way to the floor.  I tried to ignore the pain and just thought it would go away, but I kept getting worse as time went on.  Since then I have been on pain meds, done PT (which didn't help), and have had another epidural shot(which made me worse).  The pain specialist said that I didn't need major surgery, so I asked him about the Laser Spine Institute, and he said to go cause they might be able to help me. But, before I got to go, I had sprained my back (just by taking a normal step) and ended up in the hospital. While in the hospital they did another MRI without contrast and concluded that my only issue was that I was FAT and needed to lose weight. After fighting with the doctor he finally looked at the MRI they did a month ago and saw that I did indeed have a herniated disc, but he still concluded that my only issue was being fat and losing weight would correct everything!! Since then the pain specialist has taken that stand as well.  I finally did end up going to Tampa for the spine center and their MRI showed that I have 2 herniated discs and need to have a fusion.  But now the insurance company is denying it due to not getting the proper paperwork showing that I have done PT and other prior treatments before surgery. So I am currently waiting for them to set up a peer to peer phone call to hopefully overturn that.  In the meantime I had to go back to the pain specialist for more pain meds and he still stands on the idea that I just need to lose weight and that will correct everything.  I am waiting to receive the MRI reports from the spine center so I can take them to the pain doctor.

  How are you suppose to lose over 150lbs without being able to exercise?  I am in a catch 22 here. I know it's my fault that I let myself get this big but I am tying to loose wight now and have all these issues that keep coming up.  I did have a miscarriage back in Jan 2014, I believe it was due to the anesthesia for one of my back procedures(at the time i thought it was God telling me it wasn't time to have a child yet, but showed that I could).  With all these other issues arising thought I truly believe He might not want me to have children. I know everything is done in His time and way. All I can do is continue to pray and do the best that I can to get myself better.

I had my first sale today!!!

I had my first sale today!!!!!!  I am so excited!

I started jewelry making while I was in recovery in a nursing home from my back surgery.  I was so broken hearted to be in a nursing home at age 34 but look at the good thing that has some out of it.  God has truly blessed me!!

Check out my store JBreenCreations on Etsy

https://www.etsy.com/shop/JBreenCreations?section_id=17047713&ref=shopsection_leftnav_1

I opened JBreenCreations

Check it out!!! I started my own business...JBreenCreations.   I still have a lot to list yet but it's a start.
I make homemade jewelry with glass beads.  And I am also learning how to knit.  So please go visit my shop in Etsy.



https://www.etsy.com/shop/JBreenCreations?ref=hdr_shop_menu

Back to the Dukan Diet

     We are going back on the Dukan Diet on Monday 2/2/15 since I can go back on a diet now. I had back surgery on July 17, 2014 and have had a heck of a time healing.  But now I am doing much better and the doctor said I could do a diet again.
     I am not liking the thought of  having to get rid of my veggies again and having pure protein for at least one week.  But I have to do this, I am morbidly obese and need to lose weight, especially if I want to have a child of my own one day.
     I think I also have an issue of food.  Every since I was a little child I use to sneak food because I wasn't allowed to have the junk food but, Tony was always eating it in front of us kids. So now I eat too much and even get 2 sandwiches when we do McDonalds or something like it.  With this Dukan Diet I will not be able to have junk food again, but I don't think I will miss it like I did as a child. I need to learn self control and discipline when it comes to food. This Diet allows you to eat as much lean protein as you want and has restrictions on other foods.   It is a 4 phase diet that increases the kinds of food you can have as you go along, so I think this will be helpful in teaching me to control my eating.
    I want to be around to have kids and be able to play with them. I want to be able to lay down on the ground and play, or roll down hills with them, or go horse back riding on a family vacation one day, or  to be there for their wedding.  So I am not doing this Dukan Diet again for me I am doing it for my future kids. 

Frustration and I am Relying on God

   Yesterday and today have been very frustrating for me!!!  I finally get the approval to find a neurosurgeon down here but everyone I called said that they will not touch me because I have already had surgeries (rhizotomies) done.  They all said I should return to the surgeon who did them and I explained I cant because I moved and cant take the car ride that far either.  
   Here is a little background on my situation...I was rear-ended while sitting at a red light  in 2012 and then again in 2013.  I have 10 disks messed up now. I have already done everything possible before surgery. 
   After calling a bunch of neurosurgeons I got so frustrated I actually started crying.  I had gone from one extreme to the other....finally I can go see someone to fix my back which made me sooo happy then everyone I called said they wouldn't touch me because I have had surgeries before. 
   My first reaction should have been to pray over the situation.  I had txt two of my very best Christian Sisters and asked for prayer and told them about my frustration.  Then I sent them another txt after words saying for sharing my frustration with them.  But they said that it was fine and that is what Christians Sisters/friends are for.  I also told them that I know my situation is in Gods hands and He will take care of my like He always does. I then prayed myself and told God that I am in so much pain and cant wait to go see a neurosurgeon to fix my back, but that I know He knows best and that there must be a reason to as why I have not been able to find a surgeon.  Then this morning I went through the same exact thing when trying to find a surgeon.....they will not see me due to having surgery(rhizotomies) before. In my prayer I told God that I know He is waiting to find the right surgeon for me, and that I just have to wait for Him to do that.  Finally, after my prayer, I found one that will see me see me only once I get a letter from the lawyer saying the case is closed. (Which will be a little while still). 
   This purpose of this post is to get you to hopefully keep your trust in God, no matter what the situation.  No matter how frustrated or depressed you get you can always turn to God and pray for guidance and help.  He hears all of your prayers. He may not answer them right a way but He hears every single one of your prayers.  When your hands are tied in a situation and it looks like you have no where else to turn to you can turn to God. No matter how big or small the situation is you can rely on Him.